The Day I Decided To Quit!

I have had the toughest day today. Everything about it drew me deep into my journal searching for clarity and reflection. All I said all day was, “I am only one person. That’s all that I am, and I can’t be anything more than my ONE BEING.”

Have you ever felt that everyone expects you to be EVERYTHING all of the time? And, without thought, we try to meet those demands because it’s in our nature. But, when do we get to be sad, needy, hopeless, disappointed, not having answers, angry, disorganized, and selfish. When can we get a pass. WHEN CAN WE just shut down and attend to ME, MYSELF, AND I🤔

HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS WAY? Well, I surely have💯

So, lets answer the question here……I asked WHEN DO WE GET TO DO ALL OF WHAT I MENTIONED ABOVE, and the answer is⤵⤵⤵⤵

WHENEVER WE CHOOSE TO…….you know that right? It’s OKAY to choose to say, I GIVE UP! But, people like us WOULD DIE MISERABLE. We weren’t BORN in that way, and it would cost us our Soul’s to be “normal,” and “unawakened.” Hence, KNOWING all of this put me is a pissy mood all day. Why? Because every move I make in my life will tremendously effect someone greatly because of the gift that I carry, and sometimes that’s ALOT of weight for me to carry alone.

TODAY I felt like I carried my cross on my back alone🙁  I thought about all of the people that depend on me to be strong, carry them through, provide for them, and have the wisdom to help THEM, and I wanted to quit. I wanted to quit because WHO helps me with my own issues that I help everyone else get through😓  I’m telling you…..TODAY WAS TOUGH!!!

SO, after heavy reflection, I have to make some very tough decisions, and at first they were hard to make because all I could think about was my Mother not being my ❤heart❤ to guide me through the process of elimination because she would say….PUMPKIN, now that’s too harsh, and you need to think with your heart….ole’mean ass😂 LOL! ↙Y’ALL have NO IDEA↘  I am either up high in my thought process, or down low, BUT NEVER INBETWEEN. It’s either, just chill LaKendra or MAKE MAJOR MOVES. So, my Mother would help me balance my tunnel vision decisions.

Literally, I CRIED! I cried all the way home. It was like Hurricane season in my car. I couldn’t stop crying because I felt so burdened and hopeless.

Alone in my car, I sat in it for seemed like 2 hours, and got my little-self together, and that’s when I heard a greater voice say……It’s OKAY, just BE. I sat a little while longer and processed – JUST BE. GOD, what are you saying? So, I climbed in my backseat and pulled my journal out of my bag and read my last 5 entries. They all talked about growth and change, living authentically and in my highest truth, and throughout all of the entries, I had IT’S OKAY (followed by a phrase) on every page. I dissected everything and made a list, and compared everything to my life’s mission, and a sense of peace came over my mind.
But, I wasn’t in rejoicing stages until I came across THIS↕⤵(Nametests – What is your mission) and the light bulb went off, and I saw a mental vision of my Mother smiling at me. It was a proud Mother’s smile.

image

I GOT IT! Right in that moment, I recieved clarity from something as simple as a Facebook post😏. I received my highest truth, and all it took was for me was to sit still and believe that I was worthy enough of peace in my own mind and life. YES! I am ONE person, but God built me so uniquely different to withstand being just WHO and WHAT I need to be, to WHOMEVER, WHENEVER as long as it is in alignment with my highest self.

Man!!!!!! We seek out to so many people when WE HOLD ALL OF OUR ANSWERS WITHIN. We struggle and suffer inwardly and silently ALL THE TIME because we DO NOT think we’re worthy enough of truly BEING our unique creations (HIGHEST FORM OF GOD’S LOVE,) and that’s living authentically in our highest truth/self. IT’S REALLY OKAY❤  When you believe this, and make changes to align with your highest truth — is when authentic peace, and clarity, and overflowing wealth and wellness will happen in your life.

FEAR will no longer BE the problem. The fear of starting over, letting go, and taking on something new. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN or your next move. The next discovery. FEAR of rejection or questions of other’s curiosity. FEAR of not being enough and competent enough. FEAR will NO LONGER BE the problem when you start moving in alignment/parallel/simultaneously in your highest truth. Your purpose. Your gut feeling.

When God woke me up out of my sleep a little over 2 months ago and gave me a glimpse of my future, I totally dismissed it because I wasn’t ready to let go, make changes, and be BRAVER.

I am ready now.

(Hopefully my testimony inspired your growth)

#ITSOKAY

One Comment Add yours

  1. Dr. Bo says:

    Bolanle Alade It’s very important to live in your truth. And it’s okay with wherever that leads you! Above it all, I believe in the process and everything will be everything!!! Most importantly know that you are not alone. Thanks for being transparent and sharing a tender and delicate part of yourself with the world but especially with those around you ❣️

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